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You Gotta Get A Gimmick…Match (Guest Blog)

“Do something special, anything that’s special!
You’re more than just a mimic
When you got a gimmick!
Get yourself a gimmick,
And you too can be a star!”
– Gypsy

I’ve been asked by Cameron to talk about “Gimmick/Specialty Matches.” I know, a controversial topic amongst us undergrounders, but something I love, and hell, if it inspires more guys to give it a shot? I’m in.

Okay, what’s a “Gimmick Match”? Anything really. It’s just taking a regular style match and adding a…twist.

Stakes Match

One of the most popular amongst my fellow undergrounders, a Stakes Match is pretty obvious. The two wrestlers put something up as stakes for the winner. A bet. A wager.

It’s inspired by Mexican Lucha Libre Stakes Matches that involve the ULTIMATE humiliation, losing your mask or hair. In our world, they include Gear Matches, where the winner strips the loser of their gear and gets to keep it. I’m not too much a fan of this match, as I pay a lot for gear, and ain’t nobody gonna take it from me. I’m definitely gonna put up a fight to keep it.

Other popular variations include: Loser Gets F@#$&D Match, and the Slave Match (where the loser has to lick the winners boots, be his slave, and say things like “Yes, Daddy Master Sir!”…you get it).

These matches up the ante and importance of the showdown between the wrestlers.

 

Tuxedo Match (Rip & Strip)

Okay… so this match is up for interpretation, but the premise is always the same. You start dressed, and the first one to have all their clothing removed (or torn off their body) is the loser.

Some guys like to do jeans and t-shirts, I prefer a suit or tuxedo. Two cocky dudes in formal wear, beating the crap out of each other and ripping each other’s clothes off until the loser is left in their trunks (or a thong/jockstrap…or less, if you are lucky).

 

Hogtie, Rodeo & Rope Matches

Awwww the Hogtie Match. Pretty self explanatory, isn’t it? The winner is the first guy to hogtie the other and leave him like a stuck pig in the middle of the ring. Or, if you are feeling frisky, you can humiliate him even more by carrying him out of the ring. Watch early Bunkhouse Buck matches for lessons on hogtying. NOTE: an extremely sexy variation was from WWF during the 90s. The Repo Man, yes, the character was an actual Repo Man, would destroy his jobber, and then tie his hands and his feet together and drag him out of the ring, throw him over his shoulder and carry him into the locker room, thus “repossessing” him. This is more of a “Post Match Humiliation” scenario, which will be the subject of a future blog.

These matches can get into even a little bondage with special knots being used to capture the victim and restrain him. Is there anything hotter than a sexy body tied up, squirming while not being able to do a damn thing about it, except wait for the heel to finally show some mercy….or exchange his release for something better?

 

Ball Busting Match

Oh… damn! This… is the Crown Jewels of underground wrestling gimmicks (pun intended). A match so perfect in its conception, that anyone that half asses an attempt is immediately called out as a phony.

What is a Ball Busting Match? A match where you attack your opponent’s sweet spot until someone submits. The stipulation (usually) is that you have to make them submit with a move that involves some cock and/or ball torture. This art can be achieved by adding a sexy ball pounding to pretty much any submission move. A Boston Crab? Turn him over, put pressure on his back, and then grab the jewels. A Torture Rack? Move your hand up his crotch and squeeze ‘dem nuts until he cracks.

CAN-AM has had a good run of these with their DECROTCHERY series starring the “Centerpiece” himself, Jobe Zander. Personally, to me, it hit its peak in Video 15, where Jobe destroys the gigantic bulge of the beautiful Nathan Corjito. It’s like watching Puccini, a complete work of art. Cameron Matthews, if you are reading this, get him to W4H as soon as possible. I want my own shot to bust those beautiful balls.

 

Crybaby Match

Have you seen this match? Ever do it? Let me explain. A “Crybaby Match” is based on a match from WWF, where Razor Ramon and the 1-2-3 Kid (X-PAC) agreed to a match where the loser would be whoever cried first and was pinned or submitted to the heel. They would then have to suffer being diapered, drinking from a baby bottle, and having baby powder thrown all over them. Of course neither guy wanted this to happen, and thankfully, the “God Amongst Heels” Razor Ramon took out 123 Kid, knocking him unconscious, then pinned him and made him his bitch in front of the crowd. When the Kid woke up, he realized how humiliated he was and started crying in front of the crowd. I loved it. I’m not into the diaper play (no judgement), but I am totally into utter degradation in the ring.

 

David vs. Goliath Match

As someone who is on the taller side, I’m not a giant, but I’m not short, this match… holy shit… this match does it to me. This is the ultimate match of big vs. little.

I’ve had a few of these matches and I love them. It can be a Giant vs. a Little Person, or just someone on the short side. The thing is, it’s gotta be a height difference by more than a foot or two. I’m always the “Goliath”, and in a twist from the original tale, I am almost always victorious over “David”. But, one time (I get hard just thinking about it), Ricky Vegas from Wrestler4Hire.com kicked the living shit out of me. Seriously, I under-estimated him. He knew his stuff and took me down without breaking a sweat. I think of him using his strong as hell legs to head scissor me, then straddling my face, stuffing his giant bulge down my throat, and hooking both my legs for the pin, I was so hard I thought it was gonna break…I need to call him again soon for a rematch.

NOTE: Check him out demolishing Cam and Z-Man on W4H, SOOOOOO worth it. 

 

House Cleaning Match

This was very popular during GLOW’s original run in the 80s. Sort of a Street Fight meets “Home and Garden”.

The basic premise was that opponents would have a match in the ring, but surrounding the ring would be various cleaning utensils: a mop, a broom, a dust pan, windex, a vacuum cleaner, etc. These objects would then be used to beat down your opponent.

Could you imagine beating your jobber down with a broom? I couldn’t… until BG EAST perfected this match in DEMOLITION 11, where Jobe Zander was humiliated by Cole Cassidy. Cocky “Hobber” Jobe (a Hobber is a Heel/Jobber, I’ll explain in a separate post) shows up for his own personal pose off, before Cole Cassidy enters and notices the ring is a mess. After he tells Jobe to clean it all up, Jobe shoots his mouth off (of course), they make a wager that the loser will clean up the ring, and what follows is 45 minutes of the best degradation ever. Jobe suffers low blows from a broom, gets tied to the ring post with a vacuum hose, which is then turned on and stuck to his “centerpiece”, he gets spanked with a foot stool, and it all culminates with Cole giving a humiliated Jobe a heart punch KO, while the bulging Hobber has a mop bucket over his head. Never thought that it would be my thing, but, yeet! Sign me up for the next Wrestling Home Economics class. Woof!

 

Well, that’s PART ONE of the “Gimmick” series. When I write the next, we will have even more sexy gimmicks to talk about, including: Casket, Handicap, Street Fight, Wedgie, Lumberjack, Dog Collar, and many, many more. Until then, let me or Cam know what kind of gimmicks you like. No judgement here, what tickles your taste buds? Believe me, there is someone out there that shares your fantasy. I’ve had guys want to do a Blindfold Match, Superhero Matches and even a Ballet Dancer Match.

Your imagination is the limit! In other words, let’s get freaky!